Do you find yourself feeling like you’ve missed the bus or have not lived up to your full potential?
While it’s not uncommon in the general population, this can be even more pronounced with people with ADD. We tend to be more sensitive to these feelings. Research shows that our heightened need for acceptance can cause us to be more susceptible to feelings of unworthiness.
I think we can agree that feelings of unworthiness hardly ever lead to confidence.
Do you know someone who just exudes confidence, The person who believes so strongly in themselves that it makes YOU uncomfortable?
Do you know someone, maybe at work that exudes so much unwarranted self-confidence..maybe even a little delusional, but they get the promotions? People who you look at and think how are they in that position of power? I could do that job so much better!
Maybe you might not see why they are deserving of their confidence. It may feel dishonest or even embarrassing. Because we tend to be more empathetic we FEEL for them. WE cringe and they aren’t even aware.
You might believe that their confidence comes from having success at something, but I can tell you, for me, that hasn’t been the case. I have had some pretty incredible successes and I still fight with feelings of not good enough. It is maddening.
The Great CON
A con=-artist is defined as a person who cheats or tricks others by persuading them to believe something that is not true.
Now consider how YOU are the CON ARTIST HERE. Is the voice inside your head telling you, or worse, persuading you that you are not good enough, organized enough, whatever enough?
The con begins small. We do things overtly that might seem inconsequential, but the inner voice jumps on this opportunity to play the COVERT con on repeat.
Ex. Overt and covert behaviors- Overt behavior like procrastination. You know when you are procrastinating, others around you can see it, and it’s measurable by the lack of productivity.
What you and others may not “see: is the that this procrastination creates a covert felling worthlessness.
Overt behavior of scrolling social media may lead to covert feelings of inadequacy or jealousy —guilt.
Overt behavior of Social gathering may cause the Covert feeling of shame and post social anxiety.
We need to shine the light on the quiet voice that is not seen. Here are some ways we can bring them to the light.
- Dispute the irrational thought pattern before it starts by creating a pre-emptive emotional response.
- Coping cards for post social anxiety. If what you said/or did was printed on the front page of the NYT would you really be ashamed?
- Set reasonable expectations- anticipate the Covert behavior and head it off.
- Telling yourself the truth- argue against the misbelief
- Can you avoid or limit the stimulus condition?
- Comparisonitis is a real danger here. We grow more anxious when compare ourselves to others. If you are listening to this podcast now, you are likely not living in a war-torn country, you have probably eaten and have enough money to have a smartphone and access to the app that you are listening on. Start there.
- Proof- Overt behaviors that create positive Covert feelings.
- Think of something that you are confident in. do more of that. This is why you should have a success notebook. Spend more time reading that than you do scrolling, k?
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